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And other thing…

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Valentines Day, i starred to think about the heart. The heart is a mighty muscle both physically and spiritually. When it needs help we head to a doctor. When it is broken through pain it is left open with no sutures available. With love and faith there is a hidden blessing of insight. Tremendous growth starts with the thread of kindness one stitch after the other another until the heart is mended. It is stronger and smarter and blessed more than others with your help. Blessings wrapped in love come through the hard fought work of healing by ourselves and others, everyday.

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Thoughts on Valentine’s Day

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Recently a poem by Pablo Neruda touched my heart on so many levels- thoughts of love and loss… here is the poem in part. “I don’t know, don’t tell me, you don’t know. Nobody knows these things. But bringing all my senses close to the light of your skin, you disappear, you melt like the acid aroma of a fruit and the heat of the road, and the smell of corn being stripped, the honeysuckle of the pure afternoon, the names of the dusty earth, the infinite perfume of our country: magnolia and thicket, blood and flour, the gallop of horses, the village’s dusty moon, newborn bread: ah from your skin everything comes back to my mouth, comes back to my heart, comes back to my body, and with with you I become again the earth that you are: you are deep spring in me: in you I know again I am born.

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When is the Time?

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It’s snowing today in the mountains of Idaho, that soft gentle snow you see in romantic movies. All I need is some romantic music to replace my dishwasher’s rumbling. Winter takes away many distractions and at the same time narrows your focus on certain events.   Is it me or are more young people dying lately? If I think with my human-ego it would say, “They were too young to die”. On the surface it seems so unfair. We are so afraid of what we don’t know and yes, that is a very human thing.   If it’s hard for us to move to another town, change jobs, change schools or get a divorce how can we wrap our minds around the finality of death?   From the beginning we bond with our mothers and fathers, family and friends. That bond is hard to transfer to spirit when death appears. But death is not the end game. In fact there is no end game. Yes, the spirit leaves the body but it is pure love…

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The Journey After…

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Shortly after Rock’s death, I was walking through a meditation garden prepared for a visit from the Dali Lama. Two monks were standing on either side of the entry. It was Rocky’s anniversary and when I looked up at them I uttered this to the strangers: “Today is the anniversary of my son’s death.” “How old was he?” “He was ten years old.” The one monk looked me in the eyes and said, “He had a full life”. That was such a powerful statement that it grew on me more and more as I thought about it. “He had a full life.” Rocky did get and give so much in life. I tell myself that my tragedy in this life’s journey isn’t about me in the purest of sense; it’s about Rocky, the person who blessed us with his presence. It’s about his choice to go. It was never about our desire for him to stay. He came to us. We were a gift to each other, and only he could know when he had…

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The Hidden Key

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Isn’t it strange how the loss of a loved one, their absence, is like a presence filling the room? We stand in shock with the reality of death. Everything in our lives “before” has answers. Not now. People want to know where the keys to unlocking the door to recovery are hiding. How and when will the nightmare be over? Here are some thoughts on loss. You have to go through the pain, not around it. If we go around the pain you will never recover, you will continue to bump into the hurt time after time. Turn to others for help. Over time your heart will begin to heal and open wilder to the awaiting grace. Someone said, you can’t have closure like a bank account but you will change. In time you will realize that you are stronger and can do anything after working through your grief. You will become a warrior.    

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Cats, Alligators and Birds

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  My mom was reincarnated from St. Francis and moved to a little brick house in the Midwest, outside of Chicago.   Our house had a small pond complete with cattails, water lilies and turtles. First thing in the morning, my mom would stroll down the grassy hill wearing her blue housecoat yelling in a high-pitched voice “you who, you who”. Turtles would magically come up to the shore ready for a snack. “How did she do it?” In the late fifties a friend of my dad’s from Florida sent us kids a shoebox with a six-inch alligator inside. He didn’t last long even though my mom and Ollie exchanged a strange guttural conversation everyday as she laid down for a nap not far from his cage. My brother and I would stand with ears to the bedroom door and listen to this foreign dialog. Guessing most mothers did this boring banter with alligators we went out to play.   When a huge white tomcat showed up he knew he was not allowed to kill…

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Why Not Someone Else ?

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Death has no manners. It comes and goes as it pleases, pushing into people’s lives when it has an inclination. Death has no regard for families, friends, young or old. It shoves its way in at every chance when we least expect it. What’s our response? Is it shock, anger or grief, or maybe all three? A terrible shooting occurred in Las Vegas. There is no good way to die. I lost my son suddenly. A friend of mine lost her young daughter to cancer. Once we discussed this issue and decided that both ways had their pluses and minuses. Crazy huh, knowing the end result delivered the same pain. What I have learned is that there is no special age in which we die. I have learned that we humans come here guided by our inner spirits and know when we have completed our lessons. And, I have learned that the greatest learning comes to those who are left behind.  

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Empathy

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The evening news begins. We are shocked at what we see. TV pictures float through our minds as we aimlessly peel potatoes or finish a business report. What can we do? Maybe it’s because of the recent hurricanes, but I started thinking about Noah’s ark. Did the town’s people look at Noah carrying boards and bossing his family around? Did they laugh as they looked up at the sunny sky with no chance of rain? What if someone had walked over and said, “Noah you seem so intense. Can we help you with anything? Why this urgency neighbor?” He is too busy to chat and besides they never talked to him before. People would whisper as they drank their goat-milk lattes, “That Noah, what is he thinking, water covering the earth, ridiculous, how embarrassing for his poor wife. They went back to tending their farms and planning for Saturday’s mulled wine potluck. And then, one day, they said, “Oh s…”   How can we really have empathy for others? Do we need to worry about…

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Why Facebook ?

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Recently there was an article in the Wall Street Journal that caught my eye. The story was about how facebook has helped people who have gone through loss connect with others. When my young son suddenly died there was no social media. I was faced many a night with my thoughts and pain alone. Knowing that speaking of our son’s death would only add to my husband’s heartache. I sat silently wrapped in grief, going over and over my son’s short life.   How many times can you call a friend and cry? You feel uncomfortable “bothering” them. And down the road they don’t always call you knowing your child will come up in conversations, remind you of your loss, and bring your day down. We know there is no reminding. Grief is always there, like an old record with a scratch going over and over the same melody.   Then facebook appeared. Twenty-four hours a day you could go on line and express yourself to others in groups who have also lost children. There…

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