Life is Just a Stop on a Soul’s Journey

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Vicky Bates from Facebook Wednesday My heart is breaking tonight because my dear friend and mentor Sally Baldwin died in her sleep last night. I just spoke with her last week about our lives and the direction we were taking. We always laughed and made fun of any troubles we were going through. She connected me with my son Rocky which showed me the path I needed to take to help others on their journeys. She gave to everyone without hesitation and it’s ironic her heart gave out at 59. She was a blessed soul who worked with people who lost children and I feel so privileged to have shared my life with her doing mother’s retreats. It will take me a long time to process this tragedy but I know she was welcomed on the other side by many spirits who she connected with here helping us find the answers to our own losses. I will always love you Sally and will continue to live up to the faith you put in me. Sally…

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Stay Tuned…

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As we move forward with our journeys of love and loss I wanted to let you know that I will be revamping my blog, losingachildfindingyourself.tumblr.com. When I return I hope to offer more frequent content, additional features and increased opportunity for interaction with my readers. I hope we continue to help each other through open hearts and shared love. If anyone wants to contact me on days when things get out of sync I would be honored to offer help or my humble advice. Stay tuned… Vicky

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Everyday is Mother’s Day

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I remember my first Mother’s day. I had waited many years to become a mother. At the time we lived near Laguna Beach, California and decided to have brunch at one of the trendy boutique restaurants. Wearing a newly purchased sundress I strolled along the beach with my husband pushing our up-to-date stroller with my adorable “Gapped-out” baby in it. As we stood in line waiting for a table, Rocky began to whimper, slowly building to a cry that could have registered on the LA earthquake Richter scale. People started to turn around and twist in their sits. Why was he doing this to me? We finally gave up and left for home. As my son slept peacefully in his car seat, I stared out the window wondering why I couldn’t have the perfect mother’s day meal. Life always has its moments, well-made plans turning inside out, but we continue to push our wills against even the worst odds. When you lose a child control evaporates but even while experiencing the worst loss we try…

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Words Spoken and Unspoken

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What name do you attach to a parent who loses a child? There are words like widow, widower and orphan but nothing for the parent. If there were a proper name, something defined in the dictionary would it create an understanding of someone’s state of being? Acknowledging what has changed and putting a name to it is such a minuscule step, but a step no less. For many friends and family the thought of losing a child is too fearful to even think about, it becomes their worst nightmare, then one ordinary day you come and stand before them mirroring what could be as they say, a “there but for the grace of God” moment for them. Seeing someone’s loss causes us to reflect on our own children’s lives. People are interested in stories of loss on TV and in the paper not because of morbid curiosity but because they are trying to understand how death affects others. Pictures reveal part of the story but words are needed in our lives to heal our hearts….

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CHANGE FOR THE BETTER

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Babies come into our world and change us, not only with their presence, but also with their disappearance. How much we change with the mothering of our children and the loss of one. I came late to parenting. We adopted in our early forties and after being a career person for many years, I thought that this motherhood stuff would be a snap. I was in the fashion business and as I lay in bed at night, I obsessed about black designer diaper bags and having people mill around me in the stores for a closer look at my beautiful baby. Never mind I had never even babysat. Then one day we got a call that our baby was born and life really started to change. Rocky was constantly sick and cried all the time. He didn’t sleep through the night for two years. We were at a loss as to what to do. I had run a company, people listened to me, why wasn’t this tiny creature following suit? What was I doing wrong?…

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Finding Yourself…Listen to the Snow

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When we arrived in Idaho from southern California with our two exuberant, sunshine bronzed young boys; the winter seemed to have no end. One day I walked into our local grocery store and spied a bucket of daffodils. Greedily grabbing a few bunches I looked up to see the produce man studying me. “Finally, spring is here!” I exclaimed jovially. He stared at me as if he had just found a rotten tomato. “You haven’t lived here long, have you?” Sure enough, a day later we got hit with a foot of snow. You know you live in Idaho when you look down to find yourself wearing a ski jacket and shorts at the same time. We are all born hopeful at heart. My husband and I had always assumed the best would happen if we worked hard and were devoted parents. We had disappointments throughout life, some harder than others, but never gave up. Living through losing a child is an upheaval of immeasurable proportions, but it doesn’t mean that sitting and starring into…

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Spiritual Vibrations

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Spiritual vibration, which at times is hard to comprehend is that sensation of weightlessness for me that spiritually lifts me higher and out of my grounded body. It is a necessary tool to be the best we can be here on our earthly journeys and also how we connect with our children. Everything has energy and the more we work on loving others, and ourselves the more we connect with our children. Yes, it’s a slow process of getting out of the dark caves of self, but if you work daily on finding the good it will happen. Start small. Go for a walk. Take note of the warm spring’s breeze or engage in the Robin making a nest, these small meditations on nature will start you to understand your child’s unconditional, loving journey with you here. Move on to connecting with people who need a kind word or help. Start to experience how small interactions bring the vibration of love to a higher level. Recently I ran across an explanation of spiritual vibrations and…

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Rising Above

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Does the weight of death keep us from connecting with the vibration of our child’s soul? Immediately following the death of a loved one our physical bodies take over. We are inert, laying in a fetal position on our beds, we are in shock emitting wounded cries. It feels as if the “weight of the world” is on us and we don’t care to challenge that feeling. We have lost ourselves and given over to the dark, heavy blanket of hopelessness. As days and months pass we ruminate about the events that led us to our abrupt transformation. That change touched our core. Slowly if we open to our higher self we see that we were given tools to discover our authentic selves. Remember that the greatest assistants to our spiritual transformation are our children who are very excited to help and connect. How do we connect with our loved ones who have passed? Unbeknownst to us the first tool we encountered was the actual loss. That loss acted as an electric shock to our…

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The Memory Loop

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Memories have a unique way of showing up out of the blue. Yes, sometimes we go to that baby book or see those family videos and it’s as if we’re receiving a deep massage we love and hate – at the same time. How do we rid ourselves of that continual loop that is threaded through our brain about disappointment and loss? One thing we must recognize is that the strength of our desire does not cause immediate change. We aren’t wired that way, if we were, what unfeeling, analytical beings we would be. It has been many years since I lost my young son but still, when I hear someone excitedly say the phase, “I didn’t know that!” it brings on a tiny rush of a past phrase heard often from him. Does it end? No. Does it change through the years? Yes. Over the years something happened, the physical fissure opened by loss slowly filled with a gift from my son, the ability to reach out to others. The joy of his spirit…

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Working Our Way Down The Path

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It started to snow again. Brake lights appeared as I moved down the highway toward work and I was thinking there was an accident ahead, I slowed up. As I looked around there was a parade of elk crossing the highway. Both sides of cars stopped to let the procession of majestic animals pass. I find it interesting that the wildlife have been crossing in the same area since before the road was an idea. They follow their instincts year after year never deviating. In the fall a flashing sign is placed along the highway to be a reminder to drive with caution. An elk is a formable object to run into and can be deadly. You would think that seeing the cars they would turn around and head somewhere else, but that is not nature’s way. This is what grief is like in some ways. You keep going over and over the same paths in your mind never deviating. Only by daily practice can we absorb the lessons of loss and move to a…

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