Monday Morning Again

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Opportunity awaits you, as it does each morning upon waking. Take a slow deep breath and feel your child riding in on the calmness of your spirit. When we stop constantly going over the what ifs of our lives we shift to the higher source of God and love. We know when we have much going on we are scattered and nervous. When we take those breaths in the morning or when needed during the day that is when we become centered. That is when our children can comfort us. It is the difference between riding the rapids over treacherous rocks or floating slowly down a shaded river on a summer day.

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Moving forward

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August 1, 2016 It has been sometime since I last posted. I would like to say that I have been sailing the world in my coconut bra but in reality I have been working on finishing my book, Empty Jacket, the story of losing a child and the over-whelming journey that faces us. The question is how do we go through tragedy and come out the other side a better person filled with strength and grace? Each child is unique and their passing affects us in so many different ways. Ways in which people in their wildest imaginations could never understand. The same holds true if you have a child with a long-term illness. The days and nights can be endless. Getting up night after night, the medicines and constant crying- and when everyone is tired of your story, and look at you with those glazed over eyes, where do you go? Whether you have experienced a death or a journey of daily trials, this will be a place to share your thoughts. about life…

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Life is Just a Stop on a Soul’s Journey

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Vicky Bates from Facebook Wednesday My heart is breaking tonight because my dear friend and mentor Sally Baldwin died in her sleep last night. I just spoke with her last week about our lives and the direction we were taking. We always laughed and made fun of any troubles we were going through. She connected me with my son Rocky which showed me the path I needed to take to help others on their journeys. She gave to everyone without hesitation and it’s ironic her heart gave out at 59. She was a blessed soul who worked with people who lost children and I feel so privileged to have shared my life with her doing mother’s retreats. It will take me a long time to process this tragedy but I know she was welcomed on the other side by many spirits who she connected with here helping us find the answers to our own losses. I will always love you Sally and will continue to live up to the faith you put in me. Sally…

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Stay Tuned…

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As we move forward with our journeys of love and loss I wanted to let you know that I will be revamping my blog, losingachildfindingyourself.tumblr.com. When I return I hope to offer more frequent content, additional features and increased opportunity for interaction with my readers. I hope we continue to help each other through open hearts and shared love. If anyone wants to contact me on days when things get out of sync I would be honored to offer help or my humble advice. Stay tuned… Vicky

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Everyday is Mother’s Day

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I remember my first Mother’s day. I had waited many years to become a mother. At the time we lived near Laguna Beach, California and decided to have brunch at one of the trendy boutique restaurants. Wearing a newly purchased sundress I strolled along the beach with my husband pushing our up-to-date stroller with my adorable “Gapped-out” baby in it. As we stood in line waiting for a table, Rocky began to whimper, slowly building to a cry that could have registered on the LA earthquake Richter scale. People started to turn around and twist in their sits. Why was he doing this to me? We finally gave up and left for home. As my son slept peacefully in his car seat, I stared out the window wondering why I couldn’t have the perfect mother’s day meal. Life always has its moments, well-made plans turning inside out, but we continue to push our wills against even the worst odds. When you lose a child control evaporates but even while experiencing the worst loss we try…

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Words Spoken and Unspoken

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What name do you attach to a parent who loses a child? There are words like widow, widower and orphan but nothing for the parent. If there were a proper name, something defined in the dictionary would it create an understanding of someone’s state of being? Acknowledging what has changed and putting a name to it is such a minuscule step, but a step no less. For many friends and family the thought of losing a child is too fearful to even think about, it becomes their worst nightmare, then one ordinary day you come and stand before them mirroring what could be as they say, a “there but for the grace of God” moment for them. Seeing someone’s loss causes us to reflect on our own children’s lives. People are interested in stories of loss on TV and in the paper not because of morbid curiosity but because they are trying to understand how death affects others. Pictures reveal part of the story but words are needed in our lives to heal our hearts….

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CHANGE FOR THE BETTER

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Babies come into our world and change us, not only with their presence, but also with their disappearance. How much we change with the mothering of our children and the loss of one. I came late to parenting. We adopted in our early forties and after being a career person for many years, I thought that this motherhood stuff would be a snap. I was in the fashion business and as I lay in bed at night, I obsessed about black designer diaper bags and having people mill around me in the stores for a closer look at my beautiful baby. Never mind I had never even babysat. Then one day we got a call that our baby was born and life really started to change. Rocky was constantly sick and cried all the time. He didn’t sleep through the night for two years. We were at a loss as to what to do. I had run a company, people listened to me, why wasn’t this tiny creature following suit? What was I doing wrong?…

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Finding Yourself…Listen to the Snow

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When we arrived in Idaho from southern California with our two exuberant, sunshine bronzed young boys; the winter seemed to have no end. One day I walked into our local grocery store and spied a bucket of daffodils. Greedily grabbing a few bunches I looked up to see the produce man studying me. “Finally, spring is here!” I exclaimed jovially. He stared at me as if he had just found a rotten tomato. “You haven’t lived here long, have you?” Sure enough, a day later we got hit with a foot of snow. You know you live in Idaho when you look down to find yourself wearing a ski jacket and shorts at the same time. We are all born hopeful at heart. My husband and I had always assumed the best would happen if we worked hard and were devoted parents. We had disappointments throughout life, some harder than others, but never gave up. Living through losing a child is an upheaval of immeasurable proportions, but it doesn’t mean that sitting and starring into…

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Spiritual Vibrations

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Spiritual vibration, which at times is hard to comprehend is that sensation of weightlessness for me that spiritually lifts me higher and out of my grounded body. It is a necessary tool to be the best we can be here on our earthly journeys and also how we connect with our children. Everything has energy and the more we work on loving others, and ourselves the more we connect with our children. Yes, it’s a slow process of getting out of the dark caves of self, but if you work daily on finding the good it will happen. Start small. Go for a walk. Take note of the warm spring’s breeze or engage in the Robin making a nest, these small meditations on nature will start you to understand your child’s unconditional, loving journey with you here. Move on to connecting with people who need a kind word or help. Start to experience how small interactions bring the vibration of love to a higher level. Recently I ran across an explanation of spiritual vibrations and…

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